Fake smiling, pretending to others that you're happy, pretending to yourself that you're happy. Until it suddenly catches up to you and you feel yourself beggining to fall apart.
What are you meant to do? Keep smiling? Deal with it? What if you don't know what you are dealing with. What if you're just a mess?!
Maybe my life has become a routine? Nothing new and exciting, romantic, spontaneous, surprising, fun is happening. It is the same old fun, the same old gestures of passion, love, friendship, everything. It's the same, nothing new.
Perhaps it's all just boredom within life for the moment, maybe it's actual unhappiness.
Although I think it's boredom of the same everything. How do you fix that? what do you do to change it when everyone and thing around you keeps only offering you the same things, the same ways to show they care, they love, they treasure. You only get the same.
My unhappiness affects the people i love (like it has today) and for that i hate myself. ...I'm sorry - i love you always, regardless of my unpleasantness and difficulty to put up with sometimes.
....PS... I treasure you closest to my heart.
This however could be because i am a massive drama queen and sook - possibly everything is fine and i am just overreacting to a bad week..who knows. ...not me...
Lots Of Love,
Pretty Little Bitch Girl
xx
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