Everytime a fight occurs, even if it's of the littlest degree the only thing i hope my boyfriend will do is kiss me to shut me up and not let me pull away. And finally!!, that's what he did this time.
...And it was fantastic!
What is it that makes the desire of being wanted when you're angry, mad and upset so intense?
Fake smiling, pretending to others that you're happy, pretending to yourself that you're happy. Until it suddenly catches up to you and you feel yourself beggining to fall apart.
What are you meant to do? Keep smiling? Deal with it? What if you don't know what you are dealing with. What if you're just a mess?!
Maybe my life has become a routine? Nothing new and exciting, romantic, spontaneous, surprising, fun is happening. It is the same old fun, the same old gestures of passion, love, friendship, everything. It's the same, nothing new.
Perhaps it's all just boredom within life for the moment, maybe it's actual unhappiness.
Although I think it's boredom of the same everything. How do you fix that? what do you do to change it when everyone and thing around you keeps only offering you the same things, the same ways to show they care, they love, they treasure. You only get the same.
My unhappiness affects the people i love (like it has today) and for that i hate myself. ...I'm sorry - i love you always, regardless of my unpleasantness and difficulty to put up with sometimes.
....PS... I treasure you closest to my heart.
This however could be because i am a massive drama queen and sook - possibly everything is fine and i am just overreacting to a bad week..who knows. ...not me...
Lots Of Love,
Pretty Little Bitch Girl
xx
So.. my bestfriend is leaving. And i'm devostated!
This one moved up from the place we both grew up to my current home to be with me and enjoy life in the sun. And now almost a year later is leaving, and i can't imagine how i will survive!
..Who will be there to make sure i don't enter the kitchen because a cockroach has taken over..
...Who will have multiple weirdo crushes on men that can entertain me for hours just thinking of 'why?'...
...How will i be lazy and sit at home in my pjs, paint my nails, and think all day of what i will wear that night - that of course we don't end up wearing...
...Who will make me laugh when i could cry...
...Who will stay home on a weekend and drink cups of tea watching tv series and tell everyone else we are busy just to escape it all every now and then...
....Who will alwats be there...
WHO?...No one that can do it nearly as well as the bestfriend could.
I am going to MISS HER TERRIBLY! So much so that i could beg her to stay.
Though on the other hand, it is good she is going. For many reasons, some being she is missing her baby brother grow up - and it's a sad thing to miss. She has an awesome job waiting for her that will mean she can afford what she wants when she wants it and splash out on presents for her friend that is missing her back home. :)
There are reasons why her departure is good. But i can't think of many.
The main thing is i don't want her to leave! I will miss her everyday, as this year has been the best year ever!!
I hope she hates it, changes her mind and comes back.
I love you, forever my bestfriend!
Lots Of Love,
Pretty Little Bitch Girl
xx
